I won't post this one on Facebook

January 04, 2017

It's day 4 of this and I'm already sick of my own voice. My number 1 and number 2 fears in life (in randomised order) are being a cliché and being annoying. Which is annoying because I'm very annoying. And writing brings out both those fears very strongly.

The chief advantage of shutting up is not opening yourself up to judgment. Not just judgment from others: the more that leaves my head onto paper, the more I can judge myself. I'm the voice but I don't really understand that—there wasn't enough info in the song to know why it's important. Just a vague promise that things will get better because we can write whatever.

I also spent last year wondering what might be inside me that using my voice would elucidate. Conclusion was not much which was why I mostly shut up on social media and rented this heavy iron suit I now speak to you from. Every morning I wake in the suit and make the noisy journey up the stone steps to the hilltop (sorry neighbours!).

I reluctantly formed the view that if there wasn't much inside me that needed to get out there would be even less if I didn't make a noise and make it clear; jo-johhhh-ba oil and pregnancy, jo-johhhh-ba oil and pregnancy. So by forcing myself to write maybe I'll force myself to learn things and become an interesting person. If I can do it without being annoying all the better but let's face it my style is going to irritate people.

What did I see at the topmost hill of the hilltop? A land on the other side where everyone wore an iron suit just like me. "We all live in an echo chamber" they all called out to me and immediately held their hands to their ears because the sound of their own voice was too great in the stupid suits. It actually looked pretty funny from the hilltop, I am not going to lie to you.

That is enough, I need to keep these short because it will only get harder to write this much and I don't want you to wake up one day to a paragraph whose length disappoints you.

Previously: It Is Time To Learn How To Speak Directly To Your Cat